Home for Christmas?

Following recent developments at Avignon prison, where Curly Bob is currently under lock and key, I can reveal to his loyal fans and followers that there is a faint chance Bob may be back with us for Christmas. We don't want to give false hope to his thousands of supporters but we are cautiously optimistic.

Confidential sources state that Bob may be repatriated( deported ..Ed) under an amnesty granted  to bears such as Bob(are there any others??), by the French authorities. There is more to this story than that but I am prevented from publishing any further details until Bob is safely back with us.



Also he wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and a Honey New Year!

Appeal Denied

As expected, Curly Bob's appeal has been denied. To Bob's apparent amazement it seems the Presiding Magistrate did not agree with the argument's of his legal team that prison life for Bob was overly harsh and a breach of the B.R.A.(Bear Right's Act)

Indeed his attitude to wandering foreign bears was infinitely harder than current E.U. laws would permit him to be. Personally he was in favour of having such bears flogged publicly as a deterrent to others. Sources close to him have described his outlook as being somewhere between hanging/deportation and the dungeons & enaemas brigade(gulp!..Ed)

He pronounced Bob's appeal as "frivolous" and increased his sentence at "The Happy Bees Honey Farm" by 100 hours. When asked if Bob had anything to say Bob merely stated that the judge was "a horrid person" and thanked him for his extended sentence!

Bob's not so cunning plan has been revealed at last. He was smiling as he skipped out of the court after having a note passed to me.

One of Bob's fans, Teun Beumer, has asked for another one of the series of 5 paintings, based on Le Luberon, to be published. 

Always happy to please his fans, Bob's wish is my command hence "Farm in The Luberon #3", an oil on canvas from 2012. 

Appeal to The High Court

Curly Bob's legal team have today lodged an appeal to the High Court in Paris. They had warned Bob that if his appeal were regarded as "frivolous", it could result in an increase in his sentence. Bob appeared completely untroubled by this and has instructed them to proceed regardless of the possible consequences.

It appears Bob plans to cite the punitive nature of the regime in his community service hostel,( it sounds better than prison) as follows:-

8.00  Reveille, breakfast of porridge, honey and pain au chocolat.

9.00  Lecture on practical bee keeping for bears.

10.00  Hive maintainance and honey collection at "The Happy Bees Honey Farm".

12.00  Lunch - chocolate waffles, honey & ice cream.

14.00  Recreational/ rest period.

15.30  Fur grooming (I didn't ask).

16.00  Supervised duties including stock taking in warehouse at Happy bees Honey farm.

18.00  Kitchen duties and serving of desserts.

19.00  T.V. / Computer usage.

21.00  Cookies/brownies & glass of milk.

22.00  Bedtime story (?????)

22.30  Lights out.

I could only shake my head in disbelief and wonder if Bob was entirely devoid of any concept of irony(including everything else). Alternatively he could be smarter than the average bear and had something up his sleeve apart from his electronic tag.

I feel that Bob's total focus on all things pertaining to chocolate, honey, ice cream etc has blinded him to the fact that he migt not be home for Christmas.

Pending the penny or centime dropping I have been asked to post "Farmhouse in The Luberon #2 ", one of a series of 5 oils I did in 2012/13. 

Bob Bears Up Behind Bars!

A few days after Bob's conviction I was allowed to visit to see how he was doing. The warder(who in all fairness does not know Bob very well) had allowed him to wear his best lifeboat jumper as acknowledgement of his good behaviour during his community service. Also he is allowed to work without his tag during daylight hours. There was even talk of promoting him to assistant to the manager of the warehouse.(No, these people will never learn - Ed.)

I found Bob on La Ferme Des Abeilles Heureuses which in English means "Happy Bees Honey Farm".

Bob was hard at work in the Provencale sunshine looking after his hives. I admit to a fair degree of surprise because I had never before seen Bob exert himself at anything that didn't come out of a glass, freezer or honey cupboard at home.

Apparently his honey and alcohol management courses were going well. He was down to one teaspoon of honey per day and had refrained from helping himself from the hives.

He seemed to have lost weight and his fur was in much better condition.  

Bob has been using his time well, in his free periods, to improve his management skills. He has even pawed up for a cake making course.
(Forward Note - if I ever take to a life of crime I will definitely rob a bank in France- Ed). I still haven't worked out what Bob is up to but I hope to have discovered his dark secret before the next missive.

Free Curly Bob!

The French authorities have received an avalanche of(well several actually) demands to release Curly Bob. By some underhand means Bob obtained copies of these and forwarded them on to me yesterday.

Bob's regular readers will be aware that this intrepid bear is never slow to spot any opportunity that presents itself.

During a Skpe exchange Bob felt a protest group should be formed to seek his release by putting pressure on the French government.
With his usual boundless modesty and sense of proportion Bob has suggested it be called "Freedom For Oppressed bears" or F.F.O.B

His proposed setup would be as follows:-

C.E.O. - Curly Bob

Head of Finance - Curly Bob

Head of Recruitment  - Curly Bob

Head of Human Resources - Curly Bob

Secretary & General Gopher - Myself

Bob's loyal fans will also remember the dreadful scandal concerning rumours of irregularities regarding  honey and chocolate collected on his behalf. It was intended this
mountain of donated honey etc would be used to pay the ransom demanded by (Las Patas Negras"(The Black Paws) following their dastardly kidnap of Bob in the Yucatan jungle.

I warned Bob of the risk of further damage to his reputation so he very reluctantly agreed that F.F.O.B will not see the light of day, for now at least.

Whilst relieved another PR disaster had been avoid I had a lingering suspicion that Bob was up to something. That twinkle in his eye usually spelled trouble for him and a lot of work for me.

It was 9.00 a.m. and Bob was due at his lecture on "Practical Bee Keeping For Bears Pt 7". The severity of the penal system in France never ceases to amaze me!

Before signing off(More like sciving off ...Ed) Bob directed that I post "Farmhouse, Provence", (long) after Van Gogh, an oil on canvas from the vault2.

Bob Up Before The Beak!

Curly Bob stood before the beak in Avignon yesterday. He was advised to plead guilty to reduce his sentence. His lawyer had thought about citing Bob’s previous conduct but then thought better of it.

Everyone accepted Bob’s good character and how he has worked tirelessly, (at least some of the time), in promoting my career and sales of paintings to raise money for charities.

When asked if he had anything to say Bob threw himself on the mercy of the court. In his defence he had not realised how honey, chocolate, ice cream and alcohol were so much more expensive in France than the U.K. It was because of this Bob had not realised the enormity of the debts he was running up.

Unsurprisingly the Magistrate was not too impressed by this. Perhaps if Bob had not sampled the delights of the wines & beers of Provence so much he might have noticed waiters staggering around resembling Quasimodo with massive trays of drinks etc. Several were thinking of suing Bob in connection with physiotherapy bills.

Having considered all the options he declared Bob guilty on all counts and a menace to the tourist trade. He went on to admit it was the saddest case of a bear being led astray by others of lower moral character (Clearly the Magistrate was delusional..Ed).

He was sentenced to 200 hours of unpaid community service at “La Ferme des Abeilles Heureuses” , “The Happy Bees Honey Farm” to help with the hives. (Will these people never learn?)

In addition Bob was ordered to attend a honey management course and an alcohol management course. Finally he would have to remain in France for the duration of his sentence. Any relapse in his behaviour would result in transportation to Devil’s Islands where it is well known that the spiders and other creepy crawlies are twice the size of those in the Yucatan. This definitely seemed to get Bob’s attention.

Bob would be allowed to keep his bear friendly IPad but had to wear an electronic tag on his lower left paw. I would be allowed to visit him on a regular basis. The magistrate concluded by expressing his hope that the sentence would be a deterrent to future freeloaders and “honey tourists”

Before being taken down Bob waved and asked me to post “Evening Light #2" an oil on canvas from many years ago. A touch of peace in troubled times.

Shameful News

I am deeply saddened and not a little ashamed to inform readers that Curly Bob is currently languishing in a prison cell on the outskirts of Avignon. All last week the Gendarmerie were hot on the trail of Bob and the net finally closed around him yesterday. To be fair a blind man could have found Bob by following the trail of empty honey jars, chocolate wrappers, empty wine and beer bottles not to mention a string of unpaid bar bills.

I took the first train to France to see what could be done and to ensure fair play in the legal system. After a long journey I arrived at the prison only to find I was too late for visiting time. Somewhat dejected I asked, in my best french, if Bob was O.K. The guard 's stony expression melted into a wide grin  saying " Ah oui, Monsieur Curly Bob!, tout ca va bien!".

I was then admitted and led through various corridors to the maximum security wing housing all the most dangerous murderers,( is there ever a safe murderer?), robbers and much worse. You can imagine my trepidation as I approached Bob's cell. I need not have worried.

I had to queue behind a line of guards and prisoners, in manacles, who were waiting patiently to be photographed with Bob and / or have his autograph. His cell was not what I expected. There was a large flat screen TV on the wall and a fridge by his bedside which was well stocked with his favourite honey  and chocolate.

Bob was playing poker with the Governor and 2 of the prison's most notorious hard cases. All 3 looked like they were nursing monumental hangovers. Curly Bob was his sprightly self and hardly visible behind a wall of poker chips.

During a comfort break (i.e. more drinks, snacks and photos) I took the Governor on one side. Both he and the 2 inmates were losing heavily. The Governor was in a difficult position as he was not supposed to be playing games with the inmates(- it is a prison after all.)

A more pressing matter was the 2 inmates who were known to have more "final" methods of clearing their debts(gulp!). Clearly Bob was unaware of the danger he was in and it was beyond his conception(nearly everything is-Ed) that he might disappear down the toilet bowl or worse.

There was also the matter of the prison's kitchen running out of honey, chocolate and ice cream. This would not endear him to his fellow prisoners who also resented what they regarded as his preferential treatment.

The Governor was on good terms with the local magistrate and we agreed it would be better for all concerned if Bob's trial date was moved forward in return for the Governor's debts being paid.

A couple of phone calls later and it was agreed Bob's trial could be held within a couple of days and meanwhile he would be held in solitary for his own safety. Before I left,  Bob asked me to keep posting my work pending his eventual release. Therefore here are 

"Egyptian Desert" 

and

"Elephants at Sunset"

Back in Good Old Blighty!

After some negotiations between our legal team and the prosecuting magistrate it was agreed that we couldn't be held responsible for Curly Bob's behaviour but the hotel bill still needed to be settled. A few phone calls later and I had arranged for the sale of several of my paintings the proceeds of which were promised to be paid over to settle Bob's outstanding hotel bill for his room and bar.

It seems we were believed that  we had absolutely no idea as to Bob's whereabouts. I made it quite clear that when I found Bob the Gendarmerie were the last thing he needed to worry about! I was cautioned that any violence committed against Bob would be treated as a criminal offence although they readily accepted that I had been provoked severely. I decided to settle accounts with Bob if and when he returned home.

On the way back to the U.K. I received several anonymous emails from Bob one of which suggested I post "Edna's Cat" - a work in mixed media from some years past.

Curly Bob Fait Un Clair de Lune (Curly Bob Does a "Moonlight")

One night in the middle of our holiday in the South of France we were woken up by the sound of someone tapping softly on our bedroom window. Initially I assumed it was a bird or other small animal then I remembered we were on the 4th floor. As I drew the curtains imagine my astonishment to see Bob dangling from a rope of knotted bed sheets. At first I thought he was escaping from a fire of from hordes of his fans.

However, the shameful truth was that Bob had run out of money. The hotel management had asked for settlement of the substantial (i.e. enormous) bar and room bill first thing the next morning or the Gendarmes would be summoned.(Cripes!) I said I would pay settle them with my credit cards but Bob told me not to bother because they had already been refused for exceeding their credit limits.

Given the desperate situation and risk to his international reputation I agreed to allow him to hide in my art satchel until we reached the rail station but after that he would have to act independently.(he would have shown up on the security X - Ray at Eurostar in  Paris.)

We went on a trip to a local village and smuggled him out past a very unhappy hotel manager who looked very unhappy as he spoke to someone on the phone repeating the phrase "disparu!, disparu!" As we walked past some of the hotel bears sat on a shelf I noted they looked particularly bleary eyed, no doubt after a farewell party.

We left him at the rail station and said our farewells. I wasn't unduly concerned as Bob is a seasoned traveler and can cope with most situations especially as I gave him a substantial amount of our remaining Euros.
Our day passed very pleasantly but on our return to the hotel we were astonished to see Bob's mugshot on posters plastered all over the town. At the hotel we were met by the hotel manager and  two of France's finest who wanted to know Bob's whereabouts. We feigned surprise but the rope of bed sheets outside of our bedroom window was a fatal flaw in our story. The bracelets were then slapped on us and within seconds we were being driven to the local pokey(prison to our readers abroad..Ed) We were charged with aiding and abetting a fugitive.

While languishing in my cell I was allowed to keep my I Pad(very liberal these French jails!). Bob tweeted me from somewhere in Provence and told me not to worry and to post the following painting "Dolpadarn Castle, Llanberis  " - an oil on canvas. I replied to tell Bob that the only worry was that I was going to wring his neck if I ever regained my freedom!

Curly Bob Heads South

We were under the impression that Curly Bob was staying at home to relax (i.e. to detox) after his recent trip to Paris with his punishing business agenda, (more likely all the excesses that The City Of Light can offer - Ed).

Therefore it was something of a surprise when I saw a porter in our hotel carrying a small mountain of bear sized suitcases very similar to those used by Bob when abroad. The porter asked us if we wanted the cases sent to our room on the 5th floor with the best view. We assumed this was a mistake as we were on the 4th. 

Apparently a suite had been reserved in our name. The following morning I rang Bob before breakfast. I invited him to stay with us but he said "not to worry" as he was very comfortable in his suite and he wanted me to get plenty of sleep so I could carry on producing ideas and sketches for paintings on our return home.

On arrival in the breakfast room I looked for the display of delicious locally produced jams and honeys to have with my croissants. They are kept in large jars. However to my dismay they were all almost empty and looked like they had been the victim of a horde of locusts (Do locusts eat jam or honey? - Ed) 

When I asked the staff member on duty he replied with a resigned shrug of the shoulders and rolled his eyes upwards with a very Gallic flourish. Other people may have thought he was seeking divine inspiration but I knew different.

On the way back to our room I was called aside by the manager who asked me to have a word with Bob. I agreed and rang Bob to ask if he could show a little consideration to his fellow guests by reducing his honey intake, turning down his music after midnight and certainly before 2 a.m. In addition his habit of tossing empty beer and wine  bottles out of the window was neither ecologically sound nor good for the health of the people passing by.

Bob was not impressed but agreed to leave some  honey and jam in future. (Personally I don't know what he does with such vast amounts of honey, jam and alcohol but for the benefits of his fans of a younger or more delicate disposition we will not dwell on the matter!)

We heard very little from Bob for several days apart from emails, tweets etc, one of which was a request for me to post "Dinorwig Slate Quarry, llanberis in winter" - an oil on canvas, not of Provence but certainly in a colour scheme not unknown to the area.

Apologies to Bob's Fans

Curly Bob called a business meeting yesterday to discuss marketing strategy up to and beyond Christmas 2013. My painting duties were laid out. I did try and explain to Bob that all artists need their rest and the occasional beverage( we are not talking about tea or coffee at this point). Bob felt such things were a distraction and should be avoided.

Given Bob's predeliction towards any form of alcohol I felt this was a bit rich. I pointed out that whilst he  had been enjoying his sojourn in Paris for the best part of a month  he had been neglecting his fans around the world , especially those on Google. One had even suggested he might have run off to the circus with me. 

This remark ruffled Bob's fur somewhat. He accepted, albeit reluctantly, that he could have done better. He now feels a marketing onslaught on Google is called for with some posts this week. I asked him how I am supposed to paint when instead I am passing on his messages to the world and it's mother. Bob considers this sort of talk negative and unproductive. He expressed great confidence in my abilities and was sure I would manage somehow. I am beginning to consider calling a couple of circuses to see if they have any vacancies....

Meanwhile here is "Crows in Winter #3" an oil on canvas to placate his Google followers:-

Vanbear7 

pp Curly Bob

Bonjour Mes Amis!

Curly Bob has been away in Paris for the last 3 weeks but has been requesting progress reports on my activities every couple of days. I am beginning to regret buying him the bear friendly I Pad for his last birthday.
I was allowed a week off to visit Paris but I didn't see anything of him there.

In the heatwave I have been finding working difficult when I have used solvents in my oil painting. I also use a lot of mediums to accelerate paint drying times to keep up with Bob's schedule.

As these are taking a toll on my chest Bob has graciously allowed me to switch to acrylics for indoor use. I was moved by this kind gesture until Bob let slip that acrylics dry faster, therefore more output!

The conversion work has been completed and painting starts on Monday. Bob will be back tomorrow and wants to inspect my work.

During his absence I have received a number of messages in French which contained both long numbers and writing. At first I thought they were telephone numbers. However on translating them I realised that they were bar bills. One of them was to mark the 1100th member of Bob's ever increasing Fan Club.

Apparently Bob has been hanging out, (i.e. partying) in Monmartre for over 3 weeks. He claims he has been seeking connections to enhance my career in the art world. To do so Bob feels entertainment is a necessary evil when promoting artists.

I tried to explain to him that entertaining prospective clients in a modest manner is one thing but drowning then in alcohol is quite another!

When I spoke to him via Skype yesterday I noticed a few flecks of oil paint around his ears which I believe are souvenirs of several visits to La Place du Tetre. There is a rumour that he had his portrait painted but more on that later.

His plane landed on Thursday and he promises to have loads of new ideas for my future paintings.

His last request from the City of Light was for me to post the following 2 works called

"Crows in Winter#2" - oil on canvas inspired by Claude Debigny"

and "Dinorwig Slate Quarry, LLanberis" - also oil on canvas from one of my own photos.

Cordialement

Vanbear7 & Curly Bob

He's Gone!

Curly Bob has at long last recovered from his severe dose of bear flu. Readers will recall that his doctor (Rodger, "The Dodgy Doctor Bear") only carries out visits at a distance to avoid catching anything off his patients. Doctor Bears are not bound by any oath which explains this bizarre behaviour and the extortionate fees he charges.
Given Bob's love of technology I suggested he consult Roger via Skype using his specially adapted IPad. I am sorry to say that Bobs technical leaning was to be his undoing. Roger quickly assessed that Bob had been in bed for far too long. His fur had become a little matted and worse still that Roger diagnosed an excess of kapok i.e. Bob was stacking the proverbial bit of timber.
Roger prescribed a severe diet with honey, ice cream and chocolate being off the menu until Christmas. He also felt Bob's fur would look better if he was to feel the benefit of a cool wash and 600 rpm spin in the washing machine. Bob was out of bed in seconds and grabbed his passport. He left without further ado for a holiday to recover. He didn't say where he was going but I suspect it was to be somewhere without any washing machines.
He did leave a note asking me to post the following 2 paintings which are 

"Cote de Provence" an oil on canvas 

and "Coverack Beach #2" which is also an oil on canvas.

More news on Curly Bob as soon as he contacts me.

Regards

Vanbear7

pp Curly Bob

Call the Doctor!

I was awoken this morning at an unearthly hour.  It was no surprise to hear Curly Bob's very faint voice. Unlike most other bears Bob keeps vey unsociable hours. Frequently he works throughout the night after sustaining himself with a couple of Mars Bars and lots of his favourite  alcohol (any in fact).

It seems he has caught a nasty dose of bear flu. In fact he has not been himself for a couple of weeks now. He has been off his honey & chocolate (always a bad sign). Also he has not instructed me to post anything for over 2 weeks, hence my silence on the blogging and social networking fronts.

I called “Rodger, The Dodgy Doctor Bear” (so called because he has never been known to make house calls or see patients in case he catches anything from them). The consultation was brief and to the point. Bob is ill (full marks) and he should stay in bed until a full recovery takes place.

Apparently I have to check Bobs fur daily for signs of clamminess or mould. If that occurs the only cure is a salt dip! I explained it would be a brave soul who attempted to rummage through Bob’s fur, clammy or not. As for taking his temperature it will be his ears or worse.

Liberal amounts of hot toddies are prescribed i.e. hot water, honey, lemon and whiskey (minus the lemon and easy on the hot water).

On a positive note Bob has asked me to post the following 2 paintings  for your consideration.

These are :

“Commission” – oil on canvas

and;

“Cornfield, Impression”

 

Bob is unaware that I have been keeping stats on his international following on all social networks. He has 959 fans at the time of going to press, We are planning a surprise party when he reaches 1000 fans. All preparations are shrouded in secrecy. No doubt the art world will recognise such talent and present him with some sort of award.

Meanwhile I’m off to the supermarket to stock up on Kleenex, peppermint oil and of course whiskey and honey.

Regards

vanbear7 pp Curly Bob

Arrested at the Airport !!

A phone call from Curly Bob trashed any hope I had of a quiet night’s painting. Apparently he had arrived back in the U.K. but was stopped at the airport by H.M. Customs who asked to look inside his numerous bags.  Bob has been enjoying his celebrity status a bit too much of late because he demanded to know if the Customs official knew who he was dealing with. The official (obviously an ill informed moron) did not.

Bob then proceeded to throw a bear sized wobbler and berate all the staff leading to his prompt arrest. He was thrown into pokey to cool off. He was grilled for several hours as to why his luggage contained 50kg of Yucatan honey which they believed was being smuggled into the country. Bob’s story that the honey was for his personal use(quite true as he never shares anything with anyone apart from colds etc.) was not believed.

He related his adventures and showed them his mangled ear. However,  as previously mentioned, the surgery had been so good that the wound was invisible. Then to Bob’s horror he was dragged to the X-Ray machine and put through it to see if he was smuggling any diamonds or precious stones. (He is now convinced all his fur will fall out and he will glow in the dark!)

The final indignity was a full strip body search. (For the sake of our younger and readers of a more delicate disposition, we shall not go into any further details). I eventually managed to secure his release in the early hours of the morning. I gave my word to guarantee  his future good  conduct and thankfully all charges have been dropped. Sadly H.M. Customs decided to confiscate his luggage pending payment of outstanding import duty.

Bob was adamant the duty must be paid and ordered me into the studio, bleary eyed,  to produce something to sell so he can reclaim his honey.   His GPB (Doctor for bears) has ordered a week of complete rest which should give me some quiet time to do some painting.

Despite the affront to his dignity Bob Bob has not lost sight of his mission in life.  As I passed his bedroom door there was a notice pinned to it directing me to publish  these 2 oils on canvas titled;-

“Castlerigg Stone Circle”

and;”Cliifs at Etretat , (after Monet) “                              

A business meeting is planned  for the start of next week, after Bob has made a full recovery.

Regards

Vanbear 7

pp Curly Bob

Outrageous Allegations

News has reached Curly Bob’s Press Office (i.e.me), with allegations Curly Bob was not bearnapped at all. These cowardly vermin claim Bob’s hostage situation in the Yucatan was staged to enhance Bob’s standing on the world stage.
Furthermore they claim that the ransom of 100kgs of honey, chocolate and ice cream was actually split between Curly Bob and Las Patas Negras (The Black Paws).
Now I’m not saying Bob is camera shy or shuns publicity. To be fair you can’t keep him away from a camera and/or microphone. However that is a far cry from staging a dangerous publicity stunt to exploit the sympathy and goodwill of bear lovers everywhere.
Curly Bob is a bear of good character who has dedicated his life to promoting my artistic career. He receives no salary or commission apart from the gift of the odd pot(s) of honey or bar(s) of chocolate from gallery owners.
This is quite a common practice in the art world to secure the exhibition of a newly discovered artist. However absolutely no money ever crosses his paws.
Bob considers the allegations to be motivated by the envy of other bears. This is not helped by his fame and more to the point his consumption of copious quantities of honey etc.
He has resolved to clear his name as soon as he is back in the U.K.
Meanwhile it is business as usual with the publishing of
“Barn, Andalucia”  and;

“Beach Scene, Portugal”
both of which are oils on canvas.
Vanbear7
pp Curly Bob

Back at Work!

Curly Bob has been discharged from hospital and has resumed his business course in Acapulco.

Thanks to the miracle of modern science Bob’s ear has now been restored and it is impossible to see the stitching. Bob gave a press conference as he was leaving hospital. Amazingly he bears(no pun intended) no bad feelings toward his captors. However he thought  their keeping his customised designer sunglasses was a bit of a liberty. A leading manufacturer of designer sunglasses kindly donated a customised pair to protect Bob’s eyes from bright sunshine and flash photography. They wish to remain anonymous which is typical of the generosity directed towards  this amazing bear.

                                                                                                

As you will see from the press photo he looks remarkably well apart from his weight increasing by a few grams.

His fur was bright and clean. Apparently he was offered  a trip to the dry cleaners plus steam cleaning or a bed bath. Personally I believe the said bed bath offered by two young and very attractive nurses decided the issue without much deliberation on Bob’s part.

He has become something of a celebrity throughout Mexico and beyond. I expect Bob will use his newly found fame to promote my activities and his management enterprise even further. To that end he has told me to publish the following works from the archive. (His Ipad is now working again so expect more posts in the future.)

The first is an abstract called “Bush Fire” which is an oil on canvas

followed by

“Cabanon Dans Les Alpilles”, an oil on canvas painted from one of Bob’s photos on his 2012 visit to Provence. It is an area Bob loves not  least for the abundant supplies of honey, ice cream, candied fruit , copious quantities of cheap wine and beer which he claims all help  the creative process for an aspiring artist.

Hopefully Bob will be back in Old Blighty by the end of next week. A business strategy meeting is planned on his return.

Vanbear7

pp Curly Bob

Free at Last

Great news from the Yucatan. Bear lovers all over the world will breathe a deep sigh of relief to know Curly Bob has been found alive.

Reports are sketchy but it seems the imminent rescue mission  by the S.B.S. (Special Bear Service) was cancelled at the last minute after the ransom was paid. Bob was found by locals, wandering down a jungle path looking very dazed and confused. He only had his bag containing his Ipad and his missing right ear.

Bob’s knowledge of Spanish has not improved much during his captivity i.e. it is still non existent.

Stories are emerging from the jungle via the locals who have sporadic contact with “Las Patas Negras”. Apparently sounds  have been heard along with flashing lights seen in the jungle all night long. Some say it was  evidence of ghostly hauntings whereas others believe it was more like signs of rave like partying.

People familiar with the desperados say they are like any other bears who all love a good party.

Teams searching for Bob reported finding heaps of discarded honey jars, chocolate wrappers and empty beer bottles scattered around the jungle. Many say that Bob was released for health reasons as  they were desperate for a good night’s sleep. Whilst these tales are unconfirmed it is known that pharmacies within a 50 kilometre radius of the suspected hideout have all run out of hangover remedies.

Bob is currently in recovery in a hospital near Acapulco having had surgery to reattach his right ear. He is in good spirits  and looking forward to resuming his business course.

I have again taken the liberty of selecting 2 of my works to publish and I trust Bob will approve once his Ipad is charged up again.

Once again, on his behalf. I want to thank all his fans for their generosity, support and ransom donations, especially the honey and chocolate .

If you wish to email Bob direct on his IPad you can at vanbear7@gmail.com

The paintings I have selected are “Bushfire”

and “Cabanon Dans Les Alpilles”

both of which are oils on canvas.

Regards

Vanbear7 pp Curly Bob

 

Deadline Close

The latest message received from the Yucatan was in Spanish which is not entirely surprising as the desperado bears live in Mexico. It reads “Esta es nuestra última advertencia. Si el rescate no está en nuestras patas de la medianoche (hora local), entonces Curly Bob recibe el tratamiento doble Van Gogh y luego darle de comer a las arañas (grandes)”

For those of our readers who are not fluent in Spanish, including myself, a rough translation c/o Google Translator would be "This is our last warning. If the ransom is not in our paws by midnight (local time ) then Curly Bob gets the double Van Gogh treatment and then we feed him to the spiders(big ones)”

They have even sent a picture of themselves, suitably disguised.The one on the left has the sinister name of “La "Pata Negro”, “The Black Paw” . He is the leader of the gang which is named after him. The one in the middle is called “El Chocco” because of his obsessive addiction to anything made of chocolate.

Local police say either of them would sell their mothers for a jar of honey or a bar of chocolate. Thankfully we expect to have the ransom airlifted to them before the deadline.

In what Bob said might be his last message, (gulp),  he wants the 2 following works to be published. If it comes to the worst he would like me to carry on painting albeit without his expert guidance. That’s Curly Bob, humble to the last. Needless to say any further news will be posted to Bob’s Blog, Twitter and Facebook pages.

Anyway, with a lump in my throat I have posted

“Boats in the Estuary” an oil on canvas and ;

”Brancaster Staithes, Norfolk” –  Gouache on Board.

Vanbear7

pp Curly Bob

Outrage!!!

Terrible news has reached us from the desperados holding Curly Bob hostage. Avid readers of this blog will recall the threat made by the head of the gang called  “Las Patas Negras” (The Black Paws), saying failure to comply with their ransom demands would result in  sending me one of Bob’s ears. The photo below, received by email, shows they  meant what they said.

Failure to pay up pronto, (a bandit expression), will result in the other ear  being sent via the post while Bob stays in the jungle.

We have been overwhelmed  by donations of honey and chocolate sent in by Bob’s fans and bear lovers all over the world. Meanwhile specially trained hostage negotiators are flying to the Yucatan as we speak.

Despite his horrific injury Bob  has sent me instructions, via his captors, to publish another 2 paintings for his ever growing audience to remember him by. he can’t use his bear friendly IPad to communicate any more as the battery has gone flat.

On Bob’s behalf I wish to express our gratitude for all the donations to the ransom fund and messages of support.

We can only hope Las Patas Negras have some measure of decency and will return what appears to remain of Curly Bob to us very soon .

The paintings requested by Bob are  “Boats at Low Tide” and

“Boats at Rest, Norfolk” both of which are oils on canvas. Any more news will be posted as soon as it is received.

Vanbear7

pp Curly Bob

He’s Alive!

Great news at last,  Bob is alive and well. Via email,  Bob tells me he and his pals are all in good health.

Las Patas Negras (The Black Paws)  who prey on helpless bears have allowed Bob to use his specially adapted IPad to communicate their ransom demands. These are  100kgs of honey, marshmallows and chocolate. They have asked for “Fairtrade“  brands only ( it seems even these villains have some ethics).

If their demands are not met within a week the dastardly swine have said they will send one of Bob’s ears as proof of their intentions.  I explained to Bob that the British Government’s official position is that it does not negotiate with terrorists. Bob explained, in somewhat forceful terms, how this is a short sighted approach especially as he doesn’t want his fur marked or kapok spilled.

It is ironic that Bob’s blog became so popular in a short space of time.  The bandits now realise he is a bear of standing with over 300 fans worldwide and have increased their ransom demands accordingly.

Having devoted his life to charity fundraising Bob has no money of his own (he lives with me rent free). Therefore  a world wide appeal is being launched for donations of honey, chocolate and marshmallows. Bob’s safety may well depend upon the generosity of bear and art  lovers world wide.

However Bob remains positive and has asked me to post 2 more paintings from the archives.

These are “Blossom”

and

“Blur” both of which are oils on canvas.

More news of Bob will be posted the moment it becomes available. Meanwhile Bob has asked me to thank all his fans for their messages of support.

Vanbear7

p.p. Curly Bob